Shoto has been looking forward to meeting with Toge every moment until those two days ticked down, but he needed to make sure his friends were alright. If not for all of that, he would've been here a lot sooner.
Good morning, Toge. Are you still free? I'm sorry it's so early, but when you get this message please let me know.
Shoto can't. He can decipher food words for real words, but this? Not so much. However... it is really early. It makes him smile to think of Toge and the bedhead that he bets he has in that moment.
Good morning. Why don't you sleep a little longer and I'll come over after.
You don't have to be sorry. The reply was enough to tell me you were still needing to sleep. Are you comfortable with me coming over, or are you still in need of some time?
Shoto is overthinking all of that. All of it, every single word in that small statement. Once he surmises things really are fine and there was no sarcasm, he texts back.
I'm on my way, then. I am too.
Not that he's going to walk around indecently, but if Toge's making sure, then he'll put the man at ease. No sooner does he find the nearest door in his apartment and step through it to Toge's front door, knocking before stepping through.
He was mostly kidding, although he has gotten dressed since he actually woke up. Toge's place is a very neat and tidy dorm room for a teenager, but really, he just doesn't have very much there. A desk he can put things on, and a closet, as well as his bed which is not made. Fortunately, unlike his real dorm room, he has a bit of a kitchenette in the corner where he's got an electric kettle plugged in to make some tea, and some room for some cushions and a low table to sit at.
Toge's just wearing lounge clothes, some striped sweat pants and a loose fitting t-shirt on top of a long sleeved one underneath.
At the door opening, he turns and offers Shoto a warm smile. "Kelp!"
Shoto closes it when he looks in on the dorm, focused instantly on the person standing in it instead. Toge could've been walking around naked and he wouldn't have noticed the nudity as much as he would've noticed Toge was in arm's reach.
Arm's reach that's given in to, and while he's only offering a smile, Shoto is already stepping over after closing the door absent mindedly. He says the man's name again, whispering it as he pulls the shorter man into warm, loving arms. "Toge." He settles his cheek against the other man's. "I can't believe it's you."
"Salmon." Toge murmurs his agreement as he wraps his arm around Shoto, giving him a squeeze. It's so nice to see him again. It both feels like a long time, and not, but that's how strange this place is.
He's smiling though, it's soft and genuine. He's missed Shoto, even if he didn't know who he was while he was missing him.
True to his word, aside from the missing limb, he's relatively unscathed.
Shoto doesn’t let go right away. He holds him just a little longer, just enough to feel the steady rise and fall of Toge’s breathing against his chest. It grounds him more than he expected. When he does finally pull back, it’s just enough to see his face, hands settling on his shoulders with care.
“You’re really okay,” he says, almost like he’s checking again, just in case the answer has changed. His eyes flick briefly to where the limb used to be, but he doesn’t linger. “I didn’t know if you’d remember me. Or if you were still—” Still yourself. Still kind. Still his.
A breath. He softens his voice, his thumb brushing over the fabric of Toge’s shirt without thinking. “I’ve missed you so much.” Then, quieter still: “I didn’t think I’d get to say that to you again.”
Toge doesn't know if he's still as kind as he used to be. He suspects he probably isn't, there's parts of him he's left behind in Shibuya and scattered across Shinjuku, but he's still there, completely real, and breathing and as soft in his expression as ever.
He doesn't think he has to say anything. Toge captures the hand on his chest and gives it a squeeze before releasing it and curving his fingers to make half a heart.
He still remembers everything. Everything is still the same for him.
Shoto’s gaze drops, watching the way Toge’s fingers shape that familiar gesture. Half a heart. His breath catches for a moment, shoulders easing like a storm has passed and left quiet skies behind.
He doesn’t smile right away, but his eyes soften. There’s something raw and grateful in them. Then, carefully, he lifts his own hand to meet Toge’s, completing the heart between them. The motion is enough to let him know that everything was there, right there. When everything else has been ripped way from him, Toge hasn't been. Is this karma? No. It can't be for him. He slips his fingers into the space between Toge's, holding their hands together. It means Toge can't hold him back, but Shoto's other arm is tight around him. There's no need to when he's not letting go. "Can we sit? I don't want to let go of you."
"Salmon." Toge agrees, but he does hold up a finger, taking his hand back to do so. One moment.
There's the click of the kettle and he pours himself a cup of tea, something he's sure that Shoto remembers he probably needs and then holds up an empty mug in askance.
Once the tea matter is settled, he'll happily point out the cushions and low table they can curl up at together and have tea at the same time. It will be a win-win situation.
Shoto pauses when that finger comes up, he understand that's a 'yes, just a second' and then watches as he puts a kettle on. It isn't "Shoto heat this for me" it's "Shoto let me make us something"
His heart is extremely full with this. Shoto nods his head, "Thank you."ing him before settling down at the cuddle table. Can't tell him that isn't what it is from now on. He lets his left hand deal with the cup, and his right arm deal with the man he wants to hold. It doesn't even have to be about talking. He felt a little awkward not knowing what to say or do, but Toge makes this feel easy. As always.
After a little while and a few sips, he reiterates. "I got to meet Yuta. While I was there, he became one of my best friends. I think he would be sad that I wasn't adding kun at the end of his name now. Your descriptions of him were perfectly true. Supportive. Caring. Selfless. Understanding. I can understand why he's so important to you. Rika was also pleasant to meet." Said no one ever, except Shoto. "She was the reason I told you to bring flowers. She really liked the flowers I brought her."
He might not have been ready to make Shoto food, but tea he can do, and once both cups are in place and his phone, he makes himself right at home sitting on Shoto's lap, completely unconcerned with how that might look.
Toge smiles and nods a little bit. He thinks Rika is just fine. Their first meeting was a bit weird, but she's probably warmed up to him since. Maybe. Probably? Probably. At least, she's never smacked him around for getting too close to Yuta.
I'm glad you got to meet them. I think Bakugo liked the flower I brought him, so it was good advice.
The tea is perfect, absolutely perfect and Shoto takes everything in stride including being the backrest for this person who so easily fills the hole in his heart. He adjusts how he's sitting so that Toge can take his rightful place in his lap if that's where he wants to be. Shoto provides a small kiss to the side of his head while he types out the response on his phone, reading a little bit while he has his tea.
"Mhm." He says before swallowing the warm liquid and setting it down. "I bet he would have. You have good taste in plants." Shoto lays his head on top of Toge's, still able to look down at the phone. "Was he kind to you?"
Toge just melts into place, content right where he is and lets Shoto lean on him as much as he likes.
Yeah, he was really kind. He took me on some rides, gave me a hand when I needed it, defended my honour, held onto my hand so we didn't lose each other in the crowd and then he fed me deep fried oreos which I didn't even know existed. And I got a kiss at the end, so I think it was a success.
He has no intention of lying to Shoto about what went on during their date. Why would he? He knows Shoto doesn't like it when he tries to keep things back from him, no matter what it is.
Took him on rides, gave him a hand, defended honour, held his hand-- okay that's fine it's so that the crowd didn't eat them. Oreos that he also did not know could be fried. The pause in his train of thought, does a record scratch. He pauses and reads it again. "He kissed you? On your hand?"
Bakugo had been given the chance to tell him that happened. He hadn't. And if he's fair, he isn't innocent. He just isn't. Neither of them are, but Bakugo knew the rules from the date before. Had even told him he hadn't been trying to ruin things or separate them. That behaviour doesn't seem like that makes what came out of his mouth the truth.
Shoto shakes his head. "I'm not. I don't want to be. You didn't know it was me."
He could let that slide, but if Shoto gets a better picture of the truth later, he will be mad at him.
He told me before we kissed who you were. We had already talked about it though, and I care about him a lot. I love everyone I care about. I agreed to still kiss him, even if we hadn't spoken. I would've spent more time with him too, because we were on a date and he seemed like he could use a friend if nothing else right then, but he chased me off.
Shoto would be mad. Toge is not incorrect about that. That's a lot of typing, though, and Shoto stares down at it. His eyes skim over it once or twice. If it was before he knew, Shoto might've been able to deal with that, they had been pulled apart and comfort is just not something you shouldn't disagree with someone seeking. But this sounds entirely unlike it. At least from Toge's side.
Toge taps his finger idly on the table, a sign that he's thinking it over. It's not a straight yes or no answer, which he knows might be strange, but he wants to give Shoto a proper one.
I don't know about in love with him. Our relationship hasn't been romantic before. I do have strong feelings for him, and I'm happy for our relationship to take whatever form it does. I know that's not a straight answer, but it's how I feel. If Yuta approached me, I would give him the same answer.
Our relationship has been romantic from the start, but if you just wanted to be friends with me, or didn't remember me, that wouldn't have stopped me from loving you. I'm content either way. But I do know I probably shouldn't have done that. So I'm sorry. I have no excuse for it.
Shoto doesn't want these words in his head either, he has to live with the knowledge that they craft. The understanding of what they mean and the confusion that it takes the form of for him.
Shoto replays what was on there, looking down at the words. He's read it because it's important and he wants to dedicate his thoughts specifically on not seeing red over something he doesn't have to see red on. "I'm don't need you to excuse yourself. I told you a long time ago I wanted your honesty and you're giving that to me." Now, if he likes it or not? That's a whole other story. "Am I understanding right that you're saying you love everyone equally?"
Toge won't make an excuse for his actions, but he does feel bad about it. He probably shouldn't have done it, but he'd wanted to at the moment. He presses his lips together slightly.
Kind of, something like that. It's not like I'm sorry I'm not dating other people because I was dating you. I don't wish I was with someone else or anything like that. I was very happy with you, and still would be.
Shoto would never ask for excuses, either, just honesty. That's all he wants and that's what he's getting. Like it or lump it, it's what he's getting. Asking for honesty is something he understands may get that sort of response.
“Was?” Shoto repeats, quieter this time. He watches Toge’s expression like he’s trying to read the silence between words. “I know you said would be, as well.”
His voice is steady, but there’s a thread of something careful beneath it, like he’s testing how much truth he’s allowed to touch or navigate. “Did I misunderstand that? You don't see it like that anymore?”
Toge sighs and leans back a little bit, resting his head against Shoto's shoulder as he thinks about it for a moment, because he thinks usually when he's misunderstood it's his own fault.
We've been apart awhile. I don't know what you want...how to navigate that. That's kind of a different question from if I love people. I love you, but that doesn't mean you owe me a relationship if you don't want to. I don't know how you've been.
Shoto shifts just enough to hold him when Toge leans back, one arm settling around his waist without hesitation. "I didn’t know you thought we weren’t together," he says quietly. "I kept thinking we were apart, not... finished."
He doesn’t try to meet his eyes. He just lets the words settle between them. "That wasn’t fair. I never said what I meant, and I can’t expect you to hold onto something I never made clear." Shoto sits with that for a moment, then adds, "I want to know you again. If you’ll let me. We can take it slowly to find what we both want again. It doesn't mean I don't love you still."
Toge shakes his head and moves to put his hand on Shoto's chest to stop him. It isn't that, he just wasn't sure. Maybe that's his own insecurity at play, but all the same, he's glad to hear it.
I wasn't sure. It's not you, I wondered if you would change your mind that's all.
Yeah, that's all him, he knows it.
I love you Shoto. I'm very happy to be your boyfriend if that's what you want.
Shoto keeps his arm around Toge, eyes resting on the hand pressed to his chest. He doesn’t move away. He just stays close, quiet, trying to make sense of what’s shifted without letting it take back what he offered.
He still wants this. That part hasn’t changed. But he hadn’t realized they weren’t on the same page until now, and starting slower suddenly feels more necessary than gentle. He looks still into the other man's eyes after reading. "Of course I want that, but I didn't realize... Yuta felt very similar when it came to who he felt strongly for. Is this something your world has this sort of view on?"
All Toge can do in the face of the question is shrug lightly. He isn't exactly sure.
I don't talk to a lot of people, including Yuta about this. Dating isn't an option for me, if you forgot. It wasn't ever going to come up, one way or another.
I'm worried you're taking it the wrong way. It's not anything about you and I don't need another romantic relationship to be happy. I've always been happy with you.
Shoto is worried about a lot of things, but until that moment taking something the wrong way wasn't one of them. His eyebrows knit together, not angrily, but sincerely curious as he asks. "That means a lot to hear. I'm not minimizing that by asking if the opportunity presented itself, what would you want to do? I realize it's hypothetical, but I want to understand. I don't want to misinterpret."
What, if someone asked me if I wanted to date them while I was dating someone?
The thing is, yes, he kissed Katsuki on the date and had a very nice date - but he wouldn't have agreed to the date in the first place, had he known Shoto was his version of Shoto.
That depends on the person I'm with. If they expect me to be faithful, I would respect their wishes. If they don't mind, I would probably date both, in some version where two people actually wanted to date me.
Toge's skeptical this would actually happen. Neither options diminishes how I feel about the people in question, just what form our relationship takes. I'm happy with whatever form it takes. I don't have a lot of people to worry about here.
Shoto is trying to sort it out. Trying to figure out what he wanted to do, what he needed to do. What he doesn't want to do is limit Toge and Shoto is assuming if he said that he could be what he's calling faithful, that it may be something that crosses the man's mind. Even if it's not something Toge thinks can happen. "I see." it isn't tinged with anything or on the heels of being angry, he really is just trying to understand. "Can I think about it later? I'd like to let myself have time with it, and if I'm sincere, I just want to be happy with you."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
regna
Text; un: Thermodynamics
Date: 2025-04-14 08:18 am (UTC)Good morning, Toge.
Are you still free? I'm sorry it's so early, but when you get this message please let me know.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 08:22 am (UTC)mhndifg se il
He shouldn't feel bad if he can't decipher that nonsense.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 08:44 am (UTC)Good morning. Why don't you sleep a little longer and I'll come over after.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 08:46 am (UTC)It's not morning anymore, but hi.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 08:55 am (UTC)It isn't, but it's alright. It can be morning if we decide it is.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 09:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 09:11 am (UTC)No wait.
I am.
You don't have to be sorry. The reply was enough to tell me you were still needing to sleep. Are you comfortable with me coming over, or are you still in need of some time?
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 09:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 09:24 am (UTC)I'm on my way, then. I am too.
Not that he's going to walk around indecently, but if Toge's making sure, then he'll put the man at ease. No sooner does he find the nearest door in his apartment and step through it to Toge's front door, knocking before stepping through.
"Toge?"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 09:32 am (UTC)Toge's just wearing lounge clothes, some striped sweat pants and a loose fitting t-shirt on top of a long sleeved one underneath.
At the door opening, he turns and offers Shoto a warm smile. "Kelp!"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 09:44 am (UTC)Arm's reach that's given in to, and while he's only offering a smile, Shoto is already stepping over after closing the door absent mindedly. He says the man's name again, whispering it as he pulls the shorter man into warm, loving arms. "Toge." He settles his cheek against the other man's. "I can't believe it's you."
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 09:54 am (UTC)He's smiling though, it's soft and genuine. He's missed Shoto, even if he didn't know who he was while he was missing him.
True to his word, aside from the missing limb, he's relatively unscathed.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 10:08 am (UTC)“You’re really okay,” he says, almost like he’s checking again, just in case the answer has changed. His eyes flick briefly to where the limb used to be, but he doesn’t linger. “I didn’t know if you’d remember me. Or if you were still—” Still yourself. Still kind. Still his.
A breath. He softens his voice, his thumb brushing over the fabric of Toge’s shirt without thinking. “I’ve missed you so much.” Then, quieter still: “I didn’t think I’d get to say that to you again.”
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 10:15 am (UTC)He doesn't think he has to say anything. Toge captures the hand on his chest and gives it a squeeze before releasing it and curving his fingers to make half a heart.
He still remembers everything. Everything is still the same for him.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 10:28 am (UTC)He doesn’t smile right away, but his eyes soften. There’s something raw and grateful in them. Then, carefully, he lifts his own hand to meet Toge’s, completing the heart between them. The motion is enough to let him know that everything was there, right there. When everything else has been ripped way from him, Toge hasn't been. Is this karma? No. It can't be for him. He slips his fingers into the space between Toge's, holding their hands together. It means Toge can't hold him back, but Shoto's other arm is tight around him. There's no need to when he's not letting go. "Can we sit? I don't want to let go of you."
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-14 10:31 am (UTC)There's the click of the kettle and he pours himself a cup of tea, something he's sure that Shoto remembers he probably needs and then holds up an empty mug in askance.
Once the tea matter is settled, he'll happily point out the cushions and low table they can curl up at together and have tea at the same time. It will be a win-win situation.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 05:31 am (UTC)His heart is extremely full with this. Shoto nods his head, "Thank you."ing him before settling down at the cuddle table. Can't tell him that isn't what it is from now on. He lets his left hand deal with the cup, and his right arm deal with the man he wants to hold. It doesn't even have to be about talking. He felt a little awkward not knowing what to say or do, but Toge makes this feel easy. As always.
After a little while and a few sips, he reiterates. "I got to meet Yuta. While I was there, he became one of my best friends. I think he would be sad that I wasn't adding kun at the end of his name now. Your descriptions of him were perfectly true. Supportive. Caring. Selfless. Understanding. I can understand why he's so important to you. Rika was also pleasant to meet." Said no one ever, except Shoto. "She was the reason I told you to bring flowers. She really liked the flowers I brought her."
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 05:47 am (UTC)Toge smiles and nods a little bit. He thinks Rika is just fine. Their first meeting was a bit weird, but she's probably warmed up to him since. Maybe. Probably? Probably. At least, she's never smacked him around for getting too close to Yuta.
I'm glad you got to meet them. I think Bakugo liked the flower I brought him, so it was good advice.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 07:30 am (UTC)"Mhm." He says before swallowing the warm liquid and setting it down. "I bet he would have. You have good taste in plants." Shoto lays his head on top of Toge's, still able to look down at the phone. "Was he kind to you?"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 07:35 am (UTC)Yeah, he was really kind. He took me on some rides, gave me a hand when I needed it, defended my honour, held onto my hand so we didn't lose each other in the crowd and then he fed me deep fried oreos which I didn't even know existed. And I got a kiss at the end, so I think it was a success.
He has no intention of lying to Shoto about what went on during their date. Why would he? He knows Shoto doesn't like it when he tries to keep things back from him, no matter what it is.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 08:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 08:05 am (UTC)It's alright if you're mad at me for it.
He did kiss Bakugo back, so it isn't like he's innocent, even though he hadn't reconnected with Shoto yet.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 08:42 am (UTC)Shoto shakes his head. "I'm not. I don't want to be. You didn't know it was me."
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 08:48 am (UTC)He told me before we kissed who you were. We had already talked about it though, and I care about him a lot. I love everyone I care about. I agreed to still kiss him, even if we hadn't spoken. I would've spent more time with him too, because we were on a date and he seemed like he could use a friend if nothing else right then, but he chased me off.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 09:06 am (UTC)"You're in love with Bakugo?"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-15 09:12 am (UTC)I don't know about in love with him. Our relationship hasn't been romantic before. I do have strong feelings for him, and I'm happy for our relationship to take whatever form it does. I know that's not a straight answer, but it's how I feel. If Yuta approached me, I would give him the same answer.
Our relationship has been romantic from the start, but if you just wanted to be friends with me, or didn't remember me, that wouldn't have stopped me from loving you. I'm content either way. But I do know I probably shouldn't have done that. So I'm sorry. I have no excuse for it.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-17 06:45 am (UTC)Shoto replays what was on there, looking down at the words. He's read it because it's important and he wants to dedicate his thoughts specifically on not seeing red over something he doesn't have to see red on. "I'm don't need you to excuse yourself. I told you a long time ago I wanted your honesty and you're giving that to me." Now, if he likes it or not? That's a whole other story. "Am I understanding right that you're saying you love everyone equally?"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-17 06:56 am (UTC)Kind of, something like that. It's not like I'm sorry I'm not dating other people because I was dating you. I don't wish I was with someone else or anything like that. I was very happy with you, and still would be.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-17 07:25 am (UTC)“Was?” Shoto repeats, quieter this time. He watches Toge’s expression like he’s trying to read the silence between words. “I know you said would be, as well.”
His voice is steady, but there’s a thread of something careful beneath it, like he’s testing how much truth he’s allowed to touch or navigate. “Did I misunderstand that? You don't see it like that anymore?”
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-17 07:29 am (UTC)We've been apart awhile. I don't know what you want...how to navigate that. That's kind of a different question from if I love people. I love you, but that doesn't mean you owe me a relationship if you don't want to. I don't know how you've been.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-17 07:49 am (UTC)He doesn’t try to meet his eyes. He just lets the words settle between them. "That wasn’t fair. I never said what I meant, and I can’t expect you to hold onto something I never made clear." Shoto sits with that for a moment, then adds, "I want to know you again. If you’ll let me. We can take it slowly to find what we both want again. It doesn't mean I don't love you still."
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-17 07:54 am (UTC)I wasn't sure. It's not you, I wondered if you would change your mind that's all.
Yeah, that's all him, he knows it.
I love you Shoto. I'm very happy to be your boyfriend if that's what you want.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-17 08:46 pm (UTC)He still wants this. That part hasn’t changed. But he hadn’t realized they weren’t on the same page until now, and starting slower suddenly feels more necessary than gentle. He looks still into the other man's eyes after reading. "Of course I want that, but I didn't realize... Yuta felt very similar when it came to who he felt strongly for. Is this something your world has this sort of view on?"
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-17 09:12 pm (UTC)I don't talk to a lot of people, including Yuta about this. Dating isn't an option for me, if you forgot. It wasn't ever going to come up, one way or another.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-18 02:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-18 02:13 am (UTC)Toge admits a little openly, lightly concerned.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-18 05:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-18 11:24 am (UTC)The thing is, yes, he kissed Katsuki on the date and had a very nice date - but he wouldn't have agreed to the date in the first place, had he known Shoto was his version of Shoto.
That depends on the person I'm with. If they expect me to be faithful, I would respect their wishes. If they don't mind, I would probably date both, in some version where two people actually wanted to date me.
Toge's skeptical this would actually happen. Neither options diminishes how I feel about the people in question, just what form our relationship takes. I'm happy with whatever form it takes. I don't have a lot of people to worry about here.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-04-22 07:56 am (UTC)